Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize