The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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