i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
