I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
