So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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