if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my shit smells like andre
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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