my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
