I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
