were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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