I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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