I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
