This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
