I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize