Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
