Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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