Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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