I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
