With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
