I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
