Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
