i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
