Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
