somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
