I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
