God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
