After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
