Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
