I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
