Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
