Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
