I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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