Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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