apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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