from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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