I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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