thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
