i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
