my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i dont even know how to be here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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