Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
now i know why i became what i already was.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
