Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
