help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
