I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
