Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
