man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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