What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
