i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
