remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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