I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
