My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
