Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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