Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
