yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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