This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
