He called his prostate his "boner button".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
whose parrot is this?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
