Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
