im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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