i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Everything about him screamed your future.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
