well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize