walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
