She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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